Xenu Kids on the Block

I have been watching the Leah Remini Scientology exposé docuseries on A&E, and season 1 just recently came to a close. I wish it could last forever. Like Survivor or The Simpsons.  There is nothing I love more than someone unapologetically going after a brainwashing cult, without fear of retaliation, and exposing them for the soulless scammers that they are.

I have been interested in Scientology for a long time (interested in the mocking way, not in the I want to join way) and I recently read the book Going Clear by Lawrence Wright. This book has an HBO documentary that goes along with it, which many of you have probably heard of, or seen at some point.

I want to preface all of this by saying that if Scientology serves me up some legal trouble for the shit I am about to talk on them, that’s fine, I’ll add it to my resumé.  If I were to be put in a room with David Miscavige, the current leader of Scientology, I would verbally obliterate him. Like he does with the brain cells of his members. My attacks would be strictly verbal, because unlike him, I don’t have to resort to violence to get my point across. #InferiorityComplex

He would probably just end up locking me away in the Scientology compound that is located in Riverside, California. Without even knowing what takes place inside the compound, I would not want to go based strictly on location. Not the most inviting place to be held in a state of captivity. David really needs to invest in some real estate courses. Imagine a House Hunters episode of David Miscavige searching for a new Scientology compound. The Scientology PR team probably just jotted that genius idea down for future reference.

This compound is the same one that he mostly likely has his wife locked away in. Did you know that no one has seen or heard from her in roughly 8 years? WHERE IS SHE DAVID? My guess is that she started questioning the church, so he locked her away in the compound in order for him to maintain his own reputation. It would not look good for him to have his own wife questioning the ethics of the church. She was also good friends with Leah Remini, before Leah left, and I think this may have influenced David’s decision to lock her away. It would be like if Hitler’s wife started publicly questioning the morality of concentration camps, and made the impromptu decision to start celebrating Hanukkah.

Miscavige claims she is away working on some top secret scientology business. Yeah right, David. You’re not fooling anyone. Except for maybe the LAPD who apparently looked into it. Probably the same way in which they looked into the death of Nicole Brown Simpson.


Look at him. What an asshole. He looks like a wannabe airline pilot.

One of the most shocking things that I have learned through all of my Scientology research, is how truly rooted in Sci-Fi it is. L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, was a sci-fi writer before he decided to scam the masses. This genre writing that he did greatly influenced the established beliefs of his “religion.” It would be like if the creators of the Alien franchise decided that they were going to start a church. And then have the audacity to eventually file for a tax exemption. I never feel that bitter about paying taxes until I think about Scientology and Donald Trump.


In what world would you trust a man that looks like this? How was a man this ugly able to brainwash so many people? He literally looks like Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter, and if I saw him in real life I would most likely assume that he is on the sex offenders registry.


The resemblance is uncanny.

I am going to get sued for this post I just know it.

Anyway, the reason the title of this post has the word “Xenu” in it, is because Xenu is the name of the dictator of the “Galactic Confederacy.” It sounds straight out of Star Trek. Scientologists believe that 75 million years ago, Xenu brought millions of people to Earth, where they were then put around volcanoes, and killed with hydrogen bombs. Scientologists call these people that were killed “thetans” and they believe these thetans inhabit the souls of humans. Past lives and all that.

Just typing that made me feel like I took multiple hits of LSD.

Scientologists are really unhappy about the fact that the Xenu story (they refer to it as Incident II) has leaked to the public. This information is only supposed to be revealed to members that work their way up the ranks (and divulge thousands upon thousands of dollars to get there). They often take legal action against people that circulate the story, and will publicly deny that this doctrine is part of the core beliefs of the church. They do this even though actual practicing Scientologists that have left the church have confirmed it, and leaked documents from Hubbard have exposed the importance of the Xenu to the Scientology narrative.

The facts don’t lie.

How indoctrinated does one have to be to believe in something like that? It is so hard for me to imagine my mental stability declining to a point where I could accept that some alien creature sent people to Earth, only to then have them be obliterated by bombs as they stood around volcanoes.

I do commend the creativity though.

The teachings of scientology are extremely complex and confusing. They have different names for everything, and there are multiple different levels and organizations within the church. Learning about all of this is like learning how to play dungeons and dragons. It is so intricate, and so overwhelmingly nerdy.


For me, that would be one of the biggest turn offs from the get go if I were to join. I would not want my religious texts to read like the script of  Star Wars. But that’s just me.

The scariest thing about Scientology is the way in which they stalk and harass people that pose a threat to their “religion.” They are also so quick to take legal action against anyone that utilizes their right to free speech, if this speech goes against the ideologies of the church.

If I see people in black cars following me from now on, I will know why. If Scientology started to stalk me, I would most likely just pretend they were paparazzi.


I love my fans.

It is really easy to make fun of Scientology, and mock the people that fall for it, but the human rights violations that are being committed are no laughing matter. Scientologists believe that mental health issues can be cured by locking a person in a room for weeks on end. News flash: THIS IS GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE. Hubbard is a fucking idiot for thinking that isolation would improve mental stability. Because when a person is having suicidal thoughts, why not leave them alone for weeks on end to let these thoughts marinate some more ?

Scientology also tears families apart. Once a person leaves the church, they are declared a “suppressive person.” Once they are declared, family members inside the church have to cut off all communication from that person. I don’t know about you, but I would rather not have some sociopathic egotist dictating my family relations. I mean it really makes the Lohan family drama look tame in comparison. And the family feud between Jay-Z and Solange Knowles has nothing against the tragic dynamics of a family seperated by Scientology.

David Miscavige is not only a raging narcissist, but he is also notorious for physically abusing Scientologists that work for him, Sea Org members in particular. This sounds like a fun group that works with sea creatures, saving dolphins and such, but it ISN’T.

The Sea Org is for the most dedicated Scientology members, and to be part of it, you have to sign a contract that lasts ONE BILLION YEARS. So not only are you locked in for life, but you are also locked in for your alleged future lives as well. They work at least 100 hours a week and make hardly any money. From what I have read, they make roughly $50 a week. A WEEK. David Miscavige is one stingy son of a bitch. I would literally rather work in a Chinese sweatshop than work in the Sea Org. Next time you complain about your paycheck, remember, it could always be worse. Next time you complain that your boss is an asshole, remember, your boss could be David Miscavige.

Scientology needs to be held accountable for the crimes they have committed, and the lives they have destroyed. They should also be held accountable for the horrible movies that Tom Cruise has starred in.


If you have seen the Tom Cruise scientology video that leaked, you will know what that gif is from. It is roughly nine minutes long and it will make you feel like you are on an intense acid trip. When the video first came out, Scientology would get it taken down every time someone posted it. They also took legal action against many of the original posters of the video. Sounds like the Scientology legal team has a bit too much time on their hands.

Go ahead and watch it if you so choose. It is probably more entertaining than any movie he has ever starred in. The video may get taken down though, as it periodically does, because god forbid people see how deranged and out of touch with reality Tom Cruise really is. As if it is some great secret. @Scientology: here is a little spoiler alert for you : EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS.

I hope that the backlash toward Scientology continues as more and more people learn of the atrocities that are being committed. David Miscavige should be thrown in federal prison. Preferably in solitary confinement so he can get a taste of what he has done to so many people.

And David, free your wife.

Just a suggestion.


Let me know in the comments if joining Scientology is on your to do list, if you recently escaped Scientology, if you are currently reading this from your cell in a Scientology compound, or to share any other comments you may have. If you are a high ranking Scientology member, email me and I will be sure to put you in touch with my lawyer.



6 thoughts on “Xenu Kids on the Block

  1. Tom Cruise has to be aware that he is a legit crazy person, right? Nowhere in his mindless rambling was there anything resembling a coherent thought. And then there are the random fits of laughter. Not someone I’d want to be alone in a room with.


      1. My eyes were sure opened and seeing from a child’s POV was very interesting. She lived a very abusive life. I cannot wait to hear your views on this book.


  2. So, my first thought – Is Scientology so bad? I have heard about it ( courtesy Tom cruise), but never bothered looking it up. Gosh .. this is an eye opener!

    The Second one- This girl is amazing, she can definitely do some thrashing and get people onboard for thrashing with her. I want to find David now and confine him to a room, lonely, without food and water!
    See I already hate Scientology!


Leave a Reply to ladyinthemountains Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s