The Notebook Nice Guy Complex

Let me tell you a story. Very Shakespeare-esque. Dramatic plot twists, captivating dialogue, and incredibly tragic.

Roughly a year ago, a guy started working with me at my place of employment. He seemed relatively normal from the get go, only to later be exposed as a complete and utter psycho. It was delusions of grandeur mixed with Donal Trump level sociopathy.

From the start, it was obvious that he liked me. He was not subtle about it at all, and he would often make strange and mildly inappropriate remarks. I am of course able to disregard this kind of thing, I mean who am I to call someone out for saying things that are a tad out of touch and inappropriate.

Eventually he started making comments about liking me to other coworkers, to the point where he had told everyone except for me. It put me in that awkward position where I wanted to tell him that I did not like him that way, but how could I do that when he had yet to even speak a word of it to my face? It was all very secretive and childish, like the U.S government and aliens. They want the public to not say anything, but how can we when Area 51 exists and there are UFO sightings all over the place? It gets to a point where it is hard to ignore, and something needs to be acknowledged.

It carried on like this for what felt like forever. The teasing about it from my other coworkers increased. It even got to the point where the residents (I work as a lifeguard at a retirement community) knew about it, and would comment about it while I was on duty. Now I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like some form of work place harassment.

When he eventually decided to tell me that he liked me, I let him down very easily. I know I may come off as harsh and abrupt, but I am extremely empathetic and gentle with other people’s feelings. I also think that people being honest and open with their feelings is incredibly brave, and something that I myself am hardly able to do. I would probably rather take a trip around the world with Taylor Swift than be that open with my real feelings. Maybe not that. But almost anything.

After I told him I did not like him like that, but that we could remain friends, he immediately launched into the “I’ll wait for you” speech. This was confusing for me. I am not quite sure what exactly he thought he was waiting for. I’m not the local public transportation. He does not need to be waiting after me like he waits to take the fucking bus. He proceeded to say that he would continue to pursue me until “I was ready”. Listen, this was all too reminiscent of the beginning part of The Notebook.

Let’s talk about that for a second. If you haven’t seen the movie, it essentially starts with the guy played by Ryan Gosling begging Rachel McAdams to go on a date with him. It’s not romantic. It is stalking. He proceeds to harass her, and it even escalates to the point where he is hanging off the ferris wheel that she is sitting on, threatening to let go if she does not go out with him. In what world is that charming or romantic? I would tell that asshole to let go. I might even assist him with it. When somebody says no, it means no. It does not mean convince me.

The notion that this guy thought that he could harass me, and wear me down until I eventually said yes, was unsettling and it really rubbed me the wrong way. It made me feel like the time that the barista at Starbucks thought I said that I wanted coconut milk when in actuality I said no creamer. It was disgusting, disturbing, and it really put me off coffee for a long time (two days).

I tried to again reiterate to him that no meant no, and that he did not need to wait. I still didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I said that he should focus on graduating college and that he should not be closed off to meeting new people. He seemed mildly receptive to this, and I left the interaction hopeful. (In hindsight this hopefulness was as naive as the people on the Titanic thinking they could still make it to shore before the boat went down).

Not long after, he called me and told me he was going to drop out of school. This was literally 30 minutes later. I felt like George Bush when he got that shoe thrown at him back in 2008. It was shocking and left me taken aback. I asked him to explain what he was talking about, and he went on to say some nonsense about how pointless it all felt. Essentially he was saying that because I did not like him in that way, life had become pointless and he was going to throw away all of his obligations. The sheer dramatics and emotional manipulation of this statement was absurd. I don’t know what he expected me to do with this statement, but I responded in the only way I know how, “okay cool maybe you could like go traveling or something.” He was obviously not pleased with this.

He continued to text me, and attempt to guilt trip me. To no success of course. He told me that he would never find another girl like me, and so therefore, I had to give him a chance. Give me a break.

Next time I saw him, things began to escalate. He told me that no guy besides him would ever like me and be able to put up with my personality. He went on to say that I was lucky because he was “a nice guy”, and that apparently there are not a lot of them left. He said things like “I should take what I can get”, and then it shifted to “you’re not that special there are thousands of girls just like you out there.” Honey, then why were you begging me to go out with you for months? The contradictions are endless.

He went on to explain that girls never like nice guys and that they always go after assholes. I told him that if that were true I would be all over him, but it’s not, so he needed to leave me alone.

I don’t understand this nice guy complex that some guys have. If girls don’t like you, it’s your fault. Don’t go all Elliot Rodgers and start blaming them for your inability to effectively communicate with women. It’s embarrassing. If you are only saying nice things to a girl to get her to go out with you, only to then insult her if she says no, then you aren’t a nice guy. You are an asshole.

Being nice is never a problem. Kindness is a celebrated trait. So if you ever feel like people don’t like you because you are “too nice”, then you are fucking delusional and have probably reached a Kanye West level of egotism. Seek help.


19 thoughts on “The Notebook Nice Guy Complex

  1. Oh my god this is horrifying. Good thing you turned the guy down. If he acts like this when you two are even dating, imagine what he’s like when he is in a relationship? *shivers at the thought*

    Liked by 3 people

  2. OOF! I’m sorry for your struggle, 1. And 2. “If you are only saying nice things to a girl to get her to go out with you, only to then insult her if she says no, then you aren’t a nice guy. You are an asshole.” Perfectly stated.
    I don’t think most people understand that we aren’t all out here creating “the chase.” Sometimes (most of the time) we really just aren’t interested.
    Great read. .xo.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I cringed the entire time I was reading–this guy is so disgusting! While I’ve never experienced anything this creepy and manipulative, I’ve definitely been on the receiving end of “nice guy” rage. It’s disturbing how many guys refuse to take no for an answer and think that’s anything other than harassment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Genders reversed but I’ve been in a situation like that, except I did date the girl who pulled that shit with me and did so for six months. Not my brightest move I will admit.

    What ended our relationship? She decided she wanted kids and she knew full well I do not.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is horrible! And honestly, it is so easy to fall for. He had me believing this nonsense for awhile before I finally caught on. It’s so hard because they can be so nice one moment, but then just completely switch the next. It was hard for me to realize that those nice moments were just manipulation tactics to soothe over those not so nice moments. People really suck sometimes.


  5. Oh my gosh that man sounds insane. Literally. I’m proud of you for not falling into his trap, I was really worried you would as I read through the piece (I’m new to your blog so that’s probably why) but you asserted yourself and got out safe and sound! Good for you!


    1. Thanks so much! Yeah it was difficult at times because there were definitely those nice moments where he would say exactly what I wanted to hear, but I had to come to the realization it was just manipulation. Rough times


      1. No problem! Yeah that does sound tough. But just remember that there are plenty of sane and good people out there who will tell you nice things without manipulating you. 🙂


  6. I may not have asked for this commentary, but i enjoyed it a lot!
    The guy is a slimy orc, he can go back to Mordor to date his own kin. You deserve so much better.

    Liked by 1 person

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