Merry Bitchmas and a Bitchy New Year: Holiday Song Selections

So to get into the holiday spirit, I thought I would make a playlist. Not one with actual holiday songs, or that even remotely mentioned the holiday season. The title of this is probably misleading. But that’s fine.

I’m compiling this collection of songs so that you can be the boldest and bitchiest version of yourself this holiday season. I mean that in the sense that you should be assertive and look out for yourself. The holiday season can be a difficult time for me (added stress, seasonal depression, excess family time), and I like to listen to music that makes me feel empowered. It is easy to get caught up in the Christmas commotion, and it’s important that you take time for yourself as well.

So for your Bitchmas enjoyment, here is my gift to you. A gone girl-esque list of songs. Hopefully this is better than the $20 JC Penny gift card that your grandma is going to give you. Can gift cards be exchanged for cash? Definitely something to look into.

Anyways, here goes it:

Don’t Hurt Yourself -Beyonce 

Listen to this song and let people know that you are not a bitch to be fucked with this holiday season. Breakup season is definitely upon us, and it’s important to send subtle hints that he/she better stick it out. Maybe casually put this on as background music as you are spending time with your significant other. For even better results do it while chopping vegetables. Something about this song playing, and the imagery of you with a knife, will really send the message. It’s full proof. I’m kidding. Sort of.

No Scrubs- TLC 

Although breakup season may be upon us, and you probably want to make it out unscathed, that does not mean you have to settle for a low life significant other that does not appreciate what you bring to the table. As the new year approaches, it’s time to reflect on what you need, and who you are. If they are a “scrub”, cut them loose! No need to carry excess baggage into the new year.

Dancin’ In Circles – Lady Gaga

This song is about dancing alone and enjoying every minute of it. She sings “dancin’ in circles, feels good to be lonely.” And ya know what, sometimes it does. Take some time to just do you. Work holiday parties, parties with friends and family, it’s all very hectic. It drains all my energy about as fast as my 2 year old iPhone loses it’s charge. Which is like 20 minutes. Steve Jobs didn’t die for this. Anyway, put on a big baggy shirt or a holiday sweater and dance around by yourself. YOU DESERVE IT.

Needed Me- Rihanna 

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t important! Don’t let someone just string you along because they need someone to cuddle up to during the holidays. Winter is cold, but you can’t always be concerned with keeping everyone else warm.

Shout out to My Ex- Little Mix

Although it may be tempting to rekindle a romance during this time of year, mainly just so your aunt Sharon will shut up about you being single, exes are exes for a reason. Listen to this song and reflect on how much better you are, and how far you have come. Leave losers in the past.

Get Gone- Fiona Apple 

Honestly, I see no reason to fake friendliness with people just because it is the holidays and we are expected to do so. If someone has hurt you in the past, and you stumble upon them at a holiday party, I give you permission to completely ignore their presence. Or go into an eggnog induced rage and tell them to go fuck themselves. Either one.

Put Your Records On- Corinne Bailey Rae 

“GIRL PUT YOUR RECORDS ON!! TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE SONG!!  You’re gonna find yourself someway, somehow.” This song is so uplifting, put in on with your friends while baking some gingerbread cookies and let your troubles go into hiding. Like Osama Bin Laden pre-2011.

Weaker Girl-Banks

Let me tell you some lines from this gem of a song. “I let you go, tell them you were mad about the way I grew strong” “I think you need a weaker girl, cuz  I’m gonna need a bad motherfucker like me” “You wanted me to follow, kinda like the girl I used to be”. Go into the holiday season and the new year with this mentality. You will be fine.

Here- Alessia Cara

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE PARTY DON’T FUCKING GO. You don’t owe anyone shit. Unless it is literally the party of someone that gave you a kidney, who fucking cares.

Be Alright- Ariana Grande 

We are all going to be alright. Things seem really stressful, and there are so many uncertainties right now. But I am deciding right here and right now that it is going to be alright.”SO DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT A THING, WE’RE GONNA BE ALRIGHT” Thanks for those words Ariana.

Tears Dry On Their Own- Amy Winehouse 

We don’t have to rely on anyone to fix our problems and to carry us through the struggle. We can carry ourselves. MY TEARS DRY ON THEIR OWN. Tears are also great for skin and work as a hydrating treatment. Pro tip.

You Oughta Know- Alanis Morissette 

Honestly this song is 50 shades of cray and I have to include it. I don’t even know what to say about it. This holiday season, remind everyone of the mess they made in your life. Maybe even at Christmas dinner with with your family. That could be fun.

Beautiful- Christina Aguilera 

This song is so corny but it is good to listen to during the 10 pound holiday weight gain. You are beautiful no matter what! Just buy some new pants, it’s fine.

Survivor- Destiny’s Child 

For a lot of people, such as myself, this time of year can be extremely difficult. Seasonal depression is rampant and it makes everything feel so much more severe and unbearable. BUT, I know I will survive it. I’ve done it many times before, and I will do it many times after. And so will you.



4 thoughts on “Merry Bitchmas and a Bitchy New Year: Holiday Song Selections

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s